When I started out in comedy I would take a gig pretty much anywhere, and if there was a hint of money involved then I would go to the ends of the earth, or at least to the end of the train line.

This once led me to believe that I was getting $200 and overnight accommodation to do a gig in Campsie. Turns out Kempsey and Campsie though sound similar on the phone are nowhere near each other.

Was a fun gig but a bloody long drive to get there.

Another gig I got booked to do was in Moss Vale. Now, if you’ve been down the South Coast recently, you’ll know it’s very fancy and quite expensive, especially if you are looking to buy a home.

Though to be fair that’s all of Australia, who wants to own a home when you can make a negatively geared up to their eye balls landlord rich.

Anyway, so back in 2008 Moss Vale I booked a hotel room for the gig as it was a Saturday night, I lashed out and chose to pay a whole $60 for a room……probably about one third of what I was getting for the gig. Decisions like this are why I am not a landlord.

I took the train down and spent the day checking out the Bradman Museum in nearby Bowral and then headed to Moss Vale. At the time there was a really nice pub opposite Moss Vale train station (there still is) and as I got off the train, I thought wow this is going to be a good gig, what a venue. Turns out the gig wasn’t at that hotel it was at one down the hill.

The Central hotel, yep, the one pictured above is now sadly left derelict, however back in 2008 it pretty much didn’t look too different. My thoughts on the potential for the gig changed dramatically.

I walked in to the pub and was greeted by what if it were in the city would be considered a dive bar filled with hipsters. However, as it was in the country it was filled with old men gathered round the in-house TAB and 60 chairs all filled with people drinking cans of Coke Zero.

The chairs were pointed at a mic stand, there was no stage or dressing room.

I chatted to Leon, my mate who ran the gig and who was doing the support spot, I was MC and Garry Who was headlining. All seemed good and as the crowd was there ready and waiting, we decided to kick things off.

Having run rooms over the years and gigged in a lot of varied venues I am not too precious. I can live without a stage, lights and even a mic. But I do need a mic stand. It’s like a safety blanket and also useful as a weapon just in case the gig goes awry.

Leon jumped on stage and gave me a nice introduction, the crowd clapped enthusiastically, and we were off. Now, when MCing there are a few ways to start off a gig. Usually, you settle the crowd, tell them what’s to come and get them laughing and ready for the first act. I was lucky at this one as Leon had mentioned the format and the crowd was pretty settled so I just kicked off with material.

This is where things got weird. Seeing 60 or so people sitting in a dodgy bar drinking Coke Zero was a bit unusual. I was getting laughs for my jokes, but the laughs were in the wrong spot. At this point after about 5 minutes off slightly off reactions I decided to switch it up and talk to the crowd to figure out, if for nothing else why they were all drinking coke zero.

Now, usually when you MC, the room runner or venue manager will tell you if something needs mentioning like there might be birthday, anniversary or a large group all together in the audience.

I knew on this occasion that there was an anniversary in the crowd, so I sought them out. I started chatting and it was revealed that they’d been married 6 years. I asked where they met, and they responded at work. I asked where that was, thinking comedy gold is a coming.

Turns out that they worked together at the local sheltered workshop. Not only that but everyone here tonight was from the local sheltered workshop, and this was their Christmas party. It was October.

With that bit of news, I reworked my act, and we had a great time, and everyone started laughing at all the right places. Leon came on and did great then Garry Who closed the show and smashed it.

After the show I asked Leon why didn’t you tell me it was a sheltered workshop Christmas party, he responded with, didn’t I tell you?

Anyway, a good gig was had, and I kicked back to my $60 a night hotel room to celebrate with a coke zero or two.

The lesson I learnt from this gig was to definitely ask more questions of the venue runner.

Incidentally if anyone wants to book me to come back to Moss Vale happy to do so, but I may now insist on accommodation being included as getting a room for $60 is no longer possible.

To Get In Contact: MWChatshow@yahoo.com or @MWChatshow